i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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