so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
