people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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