imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
