I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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