he was CRYING into my vagina
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
