i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
