does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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