when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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