I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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