Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
