and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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