I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
