Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
