i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
