I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
