I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
