did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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