I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
