Can Purell be used as lube?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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