He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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