Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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