I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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