dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
