I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
