I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
