Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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