Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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