Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
