I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
