4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
