This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
