dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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