your room smells of hookers.
And success
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
