Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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