I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
