You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
