Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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