im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I stole a fireplace last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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