what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
