i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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