It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
