oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
