i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
