i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Naked. naked and bneed help.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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