Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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