1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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