That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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