Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
