Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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